Welcome to cuffing season, folks – because heating our homes costs approximately £300 an hour, so having someone special to cuddle up to suddenly seems very appealing… not to mention economical.
Winter has come, and everyone’s coupling up. But consider this, fellow singleton – perhaps they’re settling for someone way below their standards? It doesn’t matter, it’s cold! Before you panic, remember – we spent all this money on weighted blankets for a reason. And we’re about to get our money’s worth.
So screw cuffing season and behold: the greatest, most empowering, most bloody-fantastic things about heading into the festive season solo…
Any money you would have spent on a gift for a supposed new partner can now be spent to buy yourself one of those gorgeous stinky bath bombs that scream ‘SELF CARE’. Also, no more settling on a tin of Quality Street for the extended family. Worst/best gift ever.
Christmas market first dates
Picture this. A first date – in a warm pub. It’s crowded, you’re cuddled together, you’re wearing a beanie. Your knees are knocking together. You’re drinking mulled wine and laughing about the naff Christmas ornaments you’re going to spend £25 on for your nan at the Christmas market. You look up… hey, mistletoe! Okay, that would be too perfect, BUT you have the opportunity. The world is your oyster this season.
Take advantage of all the time you have back that is not spent at your significant other’s boring Christmas parties. No having to wade through idle conversation with their work mates about ‘how busy they are, but it’s good to be busy, haha’ is the best gift you can ever receive. Use this time to reach out to a friend, tell them you appreciate them. It is Christmas after all.
Holiday romance is on the cards
You might be able to swap houses with someone in LA. Don’t ask me how that would work but I saw it in a movie and it worked out well for everyone involved.
No decisions about who to spend the Big Day with. Get drunk with your grandparents. Ask them about their biggest achievements, their favourite books, their memories of when you were young (except from the eating grass one). If you’re lucky enough to still have them, enjoy them. Otherwise – we all have a problematic aunt to gossip with.
Take a step back and appreciate everything you’ve achieved this year. No really, you’re not a narcissist (even though TikTok says so). Reflect on the time you felt best this year – and the times you were feeling low. You did it. Look at you bloody go.
Maddy Carty is the host of comedy podcast Mads World, which explores dating, relationships, feminism, sex & life in London.