Women with ADHD are slipping under the radar – but I’m fighting to change that

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Women with ADHD are slipping under the radar – but I’m fighting to change that


For me, my communication style and perfectionism were even attributed to the fact that I was “almost a Virgo” (I was born in August, but my due date was the 5th of September). Looking back, it is laughable that it was considered more plausible that my differences could be attributed to something as far-fetched as a star sign (that wasn’t even the right one!) before it was even considered that I could have a different neurotype.

Something we also need to consider in regard to the combination of misogyny, ableism and pretty privilege is the dangerous situations that undiagnosed neurodivergent women and people marginalised for their gender can be put in. Holding pretty privilege led me into some vulnerable situations that, looking back, were pretty concerning. It granted me access to social situations that, in reality, I wasn’t able to navigate and left me open to manipulation, which caused me to mask, people-please, and go along with what other people wanted me to do, because I literally didn’t know any better.

This is the case for all autistic folks, but the danger becomes twofold for women and people marginalised for their gender, who are already considerably more likely to experience repeated and severe forms of abuse, including sexual violence. This is one of the things that I worry about most when it comes to the late diagnosis of autistic girls and non-binary people because I know just how lucky I am to have narrowly avoided events even more traumatic than the ones I experienced. I fear for the next generation of undiagnosed autistic girls and people marginalised for their gender who might not be so lucky, and who are vulnerable and difficult to safeguard because they are completely hidden in plain sight.

After all, as I’ve already mentioned, recent research suggests that 80% of autistic girls remain undiagnosed at the age of 18, and so if we don’t know that an autistic girl is, in fact, autistic, then how can we even begin to safeguard her or give her the tools to safeguard herself? This also applies to non-binary people and those who were assigned female at birth, although research into the diagnosis rates of these groups of people is very limited. If we don’t all clue ourselves up to these issues, this cycle will continue forever, but each of us has the power to make a huge difference in the lives of so many autistic folks; the positive changes that we make now will pave the way!

Don’t get me wrong, I know vulnerability isn’t something that is exclusive to autistic people who hold pretty privilege – Carly Jones MBE carried out research for her book Safeguarding Autistic Girls that suggested 91% of autistic adults had experienced some form of abuse before their autism diagnosis, so clearly the majority of us are vulnerable in some way – but, in my experience, a lot of the dangers that I encountered were so closely intertwined with the fact that I held pretty privilege, or looked “normal”, and therefore had a level of access to social situations that I otherwise might not have been exposed to.

A pretty autistic woman has the same risk of being approached by abusive or dangerous people as all women and people marginalised for their gender do, but what she might not have is the insight and social skills in order to identify his behaviours as abusive or dangerous.

We all need to remember that being neurodivergent doesn’t have a look. It is not always going to be visible, it is not going to be highlighted by a flashing neon sign, and it is absolutely not limited to a specific type of person.

Neurodivergent people, collectively, are as diverse as human beings generally – and that, therefore, includes conventionally “pretty” girls that might, for all intents and purposes, appear to be completely “normal” – whatever normal means.

UNMASKED: The Ultimate Guide to ADHD, Autism and Neurodivergence by Ellie Middleton is available now (Penguin Life, £16.99)



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