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We don’t always talk about it, but most people have felt it: the weight of keeping a friendship alive when it feels like the other person stopped trying.
You’re the one always texting first. You’re making the plans. You’re showing up — and they’re… just there. It doesn’t blow up like a romantic breakup. But over time, it wears you down.
That was my situation. And it wasn’t until I changed one small habit that things started to feel different — not just in how others treated me, but in how I showed up for myself.
The Pain of the Imbalance: Recognizing One-Sided Friendships
It creeps in slowly. At first, you’re just being thoughtful — sending the “let’s catch up” text, planning birthdays, checking in when they’re quiet. But after a while, the pattern sets in:
- You’re always the one reaching out
- You suggest every hangout
- You listen more than you speak
- You leave conversations feeling tired instead of energized
It’s not that your friends don’t care — but the effort is uneven. And when it stays that way, it turns into resentment, loneliness, or the silent feeling that you’re more invested than they are.
The Habit That Changed Everything: Holding Back — Slightly
The shift wasn’t dramatic. I didn’t cut anyone off or make a big announcement. I just started waiting.
Instead of always being the first to text or make plans, I paused. I let the space exist. I gave others the chance to initiate. Sometimes they did — and those relationships rebalanced. Sometimes they didn’t — and that told me something, too.
This wasn’t about being cold or passive-aggressive. It was about creating space to see who met me halfway. And it worked.
Why This Works
When you always take the lead, others get used to it. They assume you’ll handle it. By stepping back — even slightly — you reset the rhythm. You give people the opportunity to engage, and you learn who wants to.
You also protect your own energy. Friendships should feel mutual. Holding space helps you figure out which ones do — and which ones might just be habits or old obligations.
How to Try It Without Overthinking
Pause before texting first. Ask yourself: When was the last time they reached out?
Don’t make the plan immediately. Give it a beat. If they suggest something, that’s a signal.
Track how you feel after seeing someone. Energized or drained? That’s your clue.
This doesn’t mean you never reach out. It just means you give yourself permission not to always lead. And that shift can reveal a lot.
Final Takeaway
Friendships work best when they’re mutual. If yours feel one-sided, try holding back — just a little. The people who value you will show up. The ones who fade? They probably already had.
You don’t need to overhaul your circle. Just change the rhythm. One habit at a time.
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