My Vaginismus Doesn’t Stop Me From Feeling Pleasure

One of the reasons experiencing vaginismus can be so isolating is that the world around us is highly heteronormative, meaning that pleasure is often associated with penetrative, penis-in-vagina sex — and if someone can’t have that, they’re seen as someone who can’t experience the pleasure of sex. But sex is more than just penetrative for people with vulvas, and it is possible for people to experience pleasure in many different ways. In fact, people with vaginas tend to experience more pleasure from external stimulation than internal, according to Kirsten Pickard, nurse practitioner and clinician at U.S.-based FOLX Health. “There are loads of ways to experience satisfaction and pleasure without penetration,” they say. “Part of the problem is when we look at the inability or a lack of desire for penetration as an illness or that something’s wrong.” Vaginismus and other conditions that fall under GPPPD are called sexual dysfunctions, but many people with vulvas who experience this don’t feel as though they’re dysfunctional.