I have a friend whose name is Will. It isn’t actually, but that’s what we’ll call him. He’s in his mid-40s and has a good job in the creative industries in London. He has sandy-blonde hair, cropped short, stubble, and a penchant for flat caps and beanie hats which sit atop a pleasant, friendly-looking face.
We must have known each other for nearly 10 years. I met him through a friend, who in turn met him at work. We didn’t socialise one-on-one, but he was a regular at our social circle’s group gatherings, nights out, birthdays and weddings. Sitting in an Uber as we headed back home after running into him, I’d often say: ‘Will is a sweet man.’ I always found him considerate, respectful and well-intentioned.
The pandemic happened and I didn’t see Will for a couple of years. But as the parties and nights out gradually returned, so did he. Now, though, the conversations we had were more troubling and made our common group of friends uneasy. It started with various, not very subtle, hints: comments about how, contrary to what ‘mainstream’ society would have you believe, domestic abuse affects men as much as women, but ‘the government is lying about it.’ He expressed concerns for the ‘many men’ who are ‘falsely accused of rape’.
One night, after one too many glasses of wine, the conversation drifted onto personal relationships. Will had recently got out of a bad break-up. The discussion turned into a debate, then an argument, then a row. Then it reached breaking point. Will’s final opinion, among other things, included that there is a ‘widespread cover-up of male rape by women’ and that ‘women should not be allowed to have an abortion without a man’s consent.’ One of my female friends left the room and never saw him again.
Will’s strident beliefs sparked confusion among his social group, but for me the picture was clearer, because I study the exact ideas he is espousing, and I know where they come from. I work for a think tank that studies online radicalisation and conspiracy theories. In the last few years, I have spent long days following extremist communities down their various rabbit holes. I have tracked lies about climate policies, followed the rise and decline of QAnon – the pro-Trump conspiracy theory which claims that Satanic elites are sucking the blood of children – and witnessed how COVID-19-era health conspiracies have taken on new shapes.
By the time of the incident, it had been clear to me for a little while that Will had been sucked into the so-called ‘manosphere’, a growing collection of anti-feminist communities, although I didn’t know just how deep. Will believes there is a conspiracy against men. He believes that our societies are not patriarchal and never were, because the very concept of patriarchy is a fabrication. I know this because although my friend vowed to never speak with Will again, I later sat down with him to talk about his life and the development of his beliefs.