In order to protect yourself in this situation, Dr Gill suggests reaching out for help. “Speak to friends, family members, or colleagues who can offer emotional support and a safe space to share feelings,” she says. “Even if direct help may not be possible, having people who understand can reduce feelings of isolation.
Garrity agrees. “Having the positive influence of friends and family or a professional who can help you to re-frame your thinking about yourself is really important,” she says. “Many women also benefit from self-affirmations to restructure negative thinking and low self-esteem linked to previous abuse.”
If talking to people isn’t an option for you right now, writing things down can also be helpful. “A
journal, if it’s safe to keep one, can be a private way to process complex emotions
and thoughts,” says Dr Gill. “This can help clarify feelings, validate personal experiences, and provide an outlet for frustration, anger, or fear.”
Dr Gill also draws attention to the way abusers often manipulate victims into believing they are at fault for the abuse. Over time, this can erode self-esteem, leading to internalised guilt and shame. “Women who experience domestic abuse may begin to feel that they deserve the abuse or believe that no one else will love or value them,” she says. “It’s crucial to remember that abuse is never your fault. Remind yourself that you deserve to be treated with respect, support, and kindness.”
It’s vital to understand that domestic abuse can happen to anyone – and that anyone can be a perpetrator. You’re not alone, and you don’t need to wait for an emergency situation to seek help.
If you are experiencing domestic abuse, it’s important to tell someone (when it’s safe to do so). You can access emotional support – as well as practical guidance about the logistics of potentially leaving an abusive relationship – from the following organisations:
If you are in immediate danger, please call 999.
Refuge: You can call The Freephone National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge on 0808 2000 247 for free at any time, day or night. The staff will offer confidential, non-judgemental information and support.
Women’s Aid: You can access support via Live Chat and/or via email at helpline@womensaid.org.uk.
Your GP: Find your local GP here.
Galop: If you identify as LGBT+, you can call 0800 999 5428 for emotional and practical support.
Karma Nirvana: Call 0800 5999 247 (Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm) for forced marriage and honour crimes. You can also call 020 7008 0151 to speak to the GOV.UK Forced Marriage Unit
Men’s Advice Line: Men can call on 0808 8010 327 (Monday to Friday 10am to 8pm), or visit the webchat at Men’s Advice Line (Wednesday 10am to 11.30am and 2.30pm to 4pm) for non-judgemental information and support.
If home isn’t a safe space, Vanessa Garrity also recommends that “women should look for somewhere where they can feel safe, for example, with friends or family.”
How can I protect my mental health if I’ve left an abusive relationship?
While not all women who have experienced abuse will go on to develop PTSD, Garrity explains that there’s a “strong association” between domestic abuse, complex trauma and PTSD.