For example, instead of joining a cosy dinner for three (which might make you feel like a tagalong), propose a game night at your place or a trivia event at the laid-back (and way less intimate) sports bar in your neighbourhood. Or, maybe you suggest an outdoor group activity like hiking or playing pickleball. Plans that include everyone equally can shift the vibe from “you vs. the couple(s)” to a group of pals having a blast all together, Le Goy says.
4. Create a game plan for relationship-centric holidays and events.
If special occasions like Valentine’s Day or weddings remind you of your chronically single status, Le Goy suggests keeping yourself busy during these times. While you can’t predict how lonely, stressed, or bitter you’ll feel, having a plan in place can at least help you feel more in control of a potentially overwhelming situation, she says.
For example, you could organise a “Palentine’s” celebration on the 14th, turning a couples-focused holiday into an inclusive social event (with cheesy movies and heart-shaped treats). Before a big wedding that’s stressing you out, ask to bring a buddy as your guest (if that’s allowed) to avoid feeling so alone. If that’s not an option, maybe treat yourself afterward: DoorDash your favourite comfort meal once you get home, or prearrange a hang with a friend immediately after the celebration. (Think of these post-event plans as little rewards, to give you something to look forward to.)
5. Dodge nosey questions about your love life with a clever diversion.
One of the more annoying parts of being the single friend is fielding questions (and concerns) about your love life—or lack thereof. Have you met anyone yet? When are you going to settle down? Are you on the dating apps?
If you’d rather avoid these intrusive queries, Dr. Miller recommends gently pivoting the conversation to other interesting aspects of your life that have nothing to do with who you’re (not) seeing. For instance, you could respond with, “No, I’m not dating right now, but I just applied to this new job and I’m feeling really good about how it went.”
By casually highlighting your achievements and interests, you subtly remind your pals (and yourself) that your worth isn’t tied to who you’re with—and that being single doesn’t automatically mean your life’s mission is to find the One. Constantly redirecting these questions can be draining, though—which brings us to our final pointer…
6. Be honest when you’re feeling left out—but don’t turn it into a “choose them or me” situation.
You don’t have to be a romance Grinch to occasionally feel irritated or out of place with your cuffed buddies. Maybe you’re tired of hearing them gush about their sex lives during every Bachelorette night, or it drives you up a wall seeing your bestie and their SO constantly kiss and snuggle right in front of you.
It’s not fair to expect them to never talk about, see, or touch their partners just because you don’t have one. However, it’s totally okay—encouraged, even—to set respectful boundaries when their behaviour makes you uneasy. If their nonstop relationship inside jokes, say, or couples-only group chats are causing you to feel left out, Dr. Taitz suggests bringing up your concerns with something along the lines of, “I’m so happy for you, but I’m burnt out from the dating talk these days. Could we talk about something else?”
Or if your pal’s incessant PDA is getting on your last nerve, privately tell them, “Look, you guys are really cute, but it’s awkward for me to see you all over each other when we’re together. Could we be a bit more mindful about that going forward?”
Having these tough talks can be intimidating, but setting boundaries isn’t about punishing your friends or knocking their relationships. It’s about making sure everyone, you included, feels comfortable and respected. That way, your hangs can be more fun and fulfilling—and not another painful reminder that you’re the odd friend out.
This article originally appeared on Self.