Emily’s little foray into her (imagined) polyamorous relationship lasts all of about ten minutes in the show. When she inevitably starts to feel hurt again, she tells the landlady that there are too many people living in Gabriel’s apartment. (Once again, the phrase ménage à trois is used for humour.)
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Later, Emily tells Gabriel she actually doesn’t want to be in a throuple or a quad — despite never having communicated that she did want this in the first place. “The more I think about it, it’s just not me,” she tells him. “I need boundaries and order and a ceiling over my bed.”
As ever, Emily seems to conduct her relationships in her own head without ever fully communicating with her partner.
For polyamorous people, this season of Emily In Paris may feel disappointing. By using terms like “polyamory” to make a joke out of Emily’s messy situation with Gabriel, the show seems to suggest that all polyamorous relationships are, at their core, unhealthy or toxic. Ultimately, the show seems to say, polyamory is what happens when people simply don’t know how to set boundaries or how to communicate.
Plus, by using polyamory as a little joke mid-way through the season, the show misses a trick.
“As a therapist specialising in gender, sexuality and relationship diversity, I work with many clients who feel confused, restricted and ashamed by their desire to explore love and sex beyond the monogamous ‘norm,’” says Counselling Directory member Amy Sutton. “For a show set in the city of romance, it’s a shame that it seems Emily in Paris hasn’t taken the opportunity to explore what modern romance can really look like.”
She adds, “For polyamorous people, watching a depiction of their lives that makes fun of, or perpetuates stereotypes can intensify feelings of difference or shame. They may feel less able to be open about their relationships to others, or feel they have to defend their choices, which can lead to anxiety and a sense of feeling silenced. When we silence who we are and how we love it can lead to feelings of low self-worth, anxiety, depression, isolation and shame. No one should be made to feel this way for loving who they love.”