Successful women have a tough time when it comes to dating, but why?
2023 has been the year of the celebrity breakup. From Taylor and Joe to Dalton and Ariana, the relationships of the rich and famous have never felt more precarious. But what if the summer of splits is more than just another celebrity phenomenon?
Most of the year’s high-profile separations feature one unifying factor, a hugely successful woman. Crucially, a woman more successful than her male partner. In the case of Taylor Swift for example, its alleged that her 5-year romance with actor Joe Alwyn came to an end as he grew uncomfortable with her record breaking but gruelling ‘Eras Tour’ schedule, willing her instead to commit to wifely solitude. The lyrics of her 2022 hit ‘Midnight Rain’, rumoured to be about the breakup, tell us as much.
“He wanted a Bride// I was making my own name // chasing that fame” sings Taylor, a sentiment which, if internet whispers are to be believed, mirrors the deterioration of fellow pop princess Ariana Grande’s relationship with estranged husband Dalton Gomez. Ariana and Dalton’s marriage was said to unravel when lockdown restrictions eased as the world returned to normal and Ariana to her adoring public. Reports cite sources who claim Dalton ‘found the pressures of Ariana’s fame and demanding schedule too much to handle.’
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You’d be forgiven for thinking that being ‘too successful’ to find love was a problem reserved solely for the rich and famous. But even us more privately successful women, without several Grammy awards and legions of fans, find that their accolades become obstacles in a romantic context. In fact, Studies have shown that women of a ‘higher social status’ are much less likely to be successful in romantic relationships. Whilst researching this pattern, I uncovered the disturbing reality that it is relatively common for women to have experienced a partner who was uncomfortable with their success or worse, actively tried to sabotage it.
*Sarah, an international athlete and teacher from London told me her two-year relationship started to struggle once it became clear that her numerous achievements ‘overshadowed him massively’. Cracks began to show after ‘further advancements’ in her career demanded more of her time. In the end, their relationship became unviable as Sarah’s partner continued to demand time that she didn’t have, guilt-tripping her in the process.
Like Sarah, Ellie Phillips, who works as a TV presenter and Showbiz journalist, has an accomplished career which places certain demands on her time. Her ex-partner ‘could not handle’ her being in the limelight. “He hated when celebrities would say hi to me, or on red carpets where photographers would want pictures of me without him” she continued. As the ‘strange jealously and resentment’ harboured by Ellie’s ex grew he began to act out, deliberately attempting to obstruct her progress. She explained “he started trying to control what I wore, getting me to cover up more and more in a bid to try and reduce the attention I would get. He would also message constantly when I was at events asking who I was talking to and why, requiring specific regular updates and timings on my movements.”