“I see it as a gentle balm for the soul, soothing anxieties and fostering a sense of security,” she says. “Warm sex can reduce stress, boost self-esteem and strengthen bonds.”
Ultimately, it can also deepen your pleasure and take it in new, unexpected directions.
“When we prioritise connection over quick gratification, we open ourselves up to a world of pleasure and fulfilment that goes far beyond the physical,” she says.
Plus, it’s no great secret that slowing down tends to make sex better for women. In heterosexual relationships, there is still a notable orgasm gap — 61% of men say they orgasm every time they have sex, only 30% of women can say the same. (The Holiday is a great movie, but when Cameron Diaz said “foreplay is massively overrated,” women all over the world shuddered collectively.)
How to practice warm sex
Reframing your ideas about sex can take some time. It can be challenging, even confronting to start prioritising connection and intimacy during sex if you’re used to getting hot and heavy in the bedroom.
Santini recommends setting the mood to help you and your partner feel safe as you slow down. “Dim the lights, light some candles, play soft music, anything that creates a serene atmosphere,” she says.
As you begin, simply focus on exploring each other. Keep talking and try not to have any specific goals in mind.
“Slow down, focus on touch and communicate openly with your partner,” she says. “Share your desires, fantasies, and any insecurities. Vulnerability is key.”
Building warm sex into your sexual routine may take some getting used to — and it will probably look and feel different for every unique couple. “Remember, warm sex is a about exploring, experimenting, and discovering what works best for you and your partner,” she says. “It’s about embracing your unique desires and celebrating your bodies.”