Roberts says it’s crucial to differentiate between occasional “messiness” and a pattern of self-sabotage. “The former can be a healthy release, while the latter can be a sign of deeper issues. So, is this mindful messiness and would it be as satisfying? When making a frivolous, messy choice, like seeing an ex, it’s important to be mindful and intentional about the actions taken to avoid this snowballing into a bigger issue.” Make sure you show yourself compassion, too — no one is perfect all of the time. She recommends: setting boundaries, reflecting on your motivations, and how you feel afterwards. But also, to have fun. “A life of constant discipline and self-control can lead to burnout,” she says. “Treat frivolity as a single occasion, not as a new way of life. The occasional embrace of frivolity can be a healthy expression of an adventurous spirit, if it’s not a means of self-sabotage. The image of walking a tightrope is a good analogy here — it’s about balancing fun and spontaneity with a clear understanding of your boundaries and goals.”