What needs to change about how coercive control is talked about and dealt with by the police? We know that catfishing isn’t illegal…
Kirat: I’ve been told that we don’t need a coercive control law, because laws exist. For me, I then argue, if you know what laws exist to manage coercive control, when somebody goes into a police station and reports their crime, the police station, the police officer behind the desk needs to say, ‘okay, this is catfishing’ and know how to deal with it immediately.
If they don’t know if it’s a problem, in order to educate our police force and how these things work, we need to consider having a coercive control and catfishing law just to make it easier to prosecute and for people to have a fear of being prosecuted.
Catfishing itself isn’t illegal. It’s okay for people to do it. It’s as simple as that… So many friends, so many well-known people in my friend circle, have had it happen to them, and obviously they wouldn’t dare come out in the open… The more people speak up about their experiences, the more you realise it is a problem and that it harms people.
How do you hope the Sweet Bobby story helps other catfishing victims in terms of support?
Lyttanya: From the beginning, Kirat was really clear that there wasn’t enough legal framework that would bring people who do things like this to justice, and she experienced a lot of disbelief when she first approached the police, and the stress and the emotional burden that caused. As a filmmaker, I definitely always want to do something that will spark some thought and ignite a wider conversation, and I hope that the film brings this back into public consciousness and at least start to or reignites a discussion around this.
What needs to change and be addressed for the conversation around catfishing to move along?
Kirat: One is the policing and justice system here, so the law and how the police deal with it. And then you’ve got internet regulation and the institutions online – like Meta and Skype, all those organisations and the responsibility they have.
The next thing is people not understanding what coercive control is – that’s a really important one. And the final issue is the fact is how this happens in minority communities, and the elements of that that wider society doesn’t understand.
Netflix has given me a wider platform to reach more people, so that helps reach more people, and that’s the only reason I agreed to do it, I wasn’t out there going, I want to do a documentary… But I don’t see myself as an activist. I don’t see myself as giving up the rest of my life to lead a campaign. I’ve lost a lot of my life. But I’ve always enjoyed what I’ve done, and I will always speak on this, I’ll always support people.
This interview was edited and condensed for clarity.
Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare is available to watch now on Netflix.
What the experts say:
“Catfishing creates a false sense of security and a fake romantic connection, which is manipulative and harmful, and compromises consent,” Rebecca Hitchen, Head of Policy & Campaigns at the End Violence Against Women Coalition (EVAW) tells GLAMOUR. “It enables perpetrators to hide red flags and warning signs of abuse and coercive control.
“We need to see dating apps and other tech companies taking strong actions to stop their services being used to harm women. But until the law requires them too, these companies will continue to prioritise their profits over women’s safety.”