Yes, messages might seem efficient in terms of time – but phone calls are more efficient in the long term, for your own long term prospects. Plus, when less people in the workplace are doing it, it will make you memorable. During a phone call, you can pick up on so many things that might get lost in translation via text – like picking up on sarcasm, anger or happiness about a certain situation or idea – and you can listen to responses in real time. Unless you’re face-to face, you can’t get that unfiltered reaction anywhere else.
Picking up the phone is truly a more time effective mode of communication – and aren’t we all constantly thinking or talking about how busy we are? We would rather message back and forth on dating apps for weeks on end than brave picking up the phone to hear if there is a real connection. We would rather send passive aggressive messages to our friends than deal with a problem head on. Or we would rather spend hours drafting a carefully constructive email at work – which is only going to be deemed ‘passive aggressive’ – than pick up that phone.
We’re designed to be in communication with each other – it’s good for us. Vocal communication has scientifically been proven to build stronger connections with people and even though you may think calls are more awkward, researchers have found that phone calls leave people feeling more connected.
It’s also important to consider the fact that traditionally, we meet friends, lovers or even foes through work and careers – but today, around 42% of UK employees say they don’t feel a connection to their colleagues. Sadly, 25% don’t think they have a friend at work. And a lower feeling of belonging means you are 80% more likely to quit your job, too. So if you really want to invest in your job and win people over at work, phone calls are the place to start building (or rebuilding) work-based connections. Here’s how you can embrace the art of the phone call for your own good…
How to have meaningful phone conversations at work
Rely on a blueprint to fall back on when you are nervous
I think of every conversation like a great sandwich – it’s not just about what you say, it’s how you sandwich it. In any conversation, you’re there for the filling – the main topic, the DMC, the gossip – but you can’t have the filling without the two slices of bread on either side.
The first slice is the friendly hello – people are drawn to warm voices, so keep your tone upbeat; ask someone how they are (and really listen to their response) and don’t skip the small talk about their weekend. All of this creates a great first impression which will encourage you and the person to open up more. After the filling (whatever the topic of the phone call is) comes the last slice – the warm goodbyes and nailing an exit strategy. This can be why many of us get nervous about a phone call in the first place. So go in with a game plan, set a time limit in your head and leave on a warm and friendly goodbye. “It was great chatting with you, I have to get on with X project now,” always works. It shows you enjoyed the conversation and wraps it up at a point where no one is bored – and you feel comfortable.
Keep challenging yourself
A recent joint study from the University of Sussex and the University of Pennsylvania showed that if you are socially anxious, regularly approaching new people over the course of just one week will start to alleviate your fears of chatting. So when it comes to phone calls, start challenging yourself – do one short one today, try a slightly longer one the next and before you know it you will have overcome the fear. It’s like a muscle you need to exercise.
Prepare for your call
If you’re the one picking up the phone, put all your key points down and move through them methodically. Equally, taking notes as you go through will force you to focus on what they are saying – and you will have your follow up points ready to go.
Ask about their lives
People want to feel like they matter – that you care and you aren’t just conversing with them to get someone from them. Start with asking about them, how they are and what has been going on with them before going straight in. It helps to build a connection.
Have a word with yourself!
Everyone gets nervous to talk at one point or another. It’s normal. But if you keep telling yourself you hate phone calls, you will believe it. Our subconscious doesn’t know the difference between truth and a lie. So start telling yourself some of my chat-irmations like: “I am confident, I love phone calls,” and “people like me and I have valuable things to say and this conversation is no different.” Over time, you will really start to believe it.
Remember that conversation is a two way street
You need to respect the space of others by letting them speak, and not jumping in to interrupt their flow. Any time you feel the need to interrupt, just say, “I see,” or “I understand,” which shows you are listening, too. If someone is talking over you, just politely say, “I’m so sorry, would you mind just letting me finish before I lose my train of thought?” Every conversation should feel balanced – so make sure you respect people’s time and make sure they respect yours.
Get off your laptop and actively listen
You can’t passively sit there and expect to be able to take in everything someone says. You need to actively listen, which means not going on your laptop during the conversation and sitting somewhere without distractions so you can focus on what they are saying. You’ll learn far more, and it will make the conversation more enriched.
Remind yourself that no conversation is perfect
Embrace imperfection. Yes, you might be nervous to take a phone call – and yes, you might not always say the right thing, but it’s better to have tried than not to have bothered or wasted your time typing back and forth.
The true success in life is building connections in all aspects of life, so start to put some positive steps in place by picking up the phone. I promise it will be life changing – for you and your career.
Josh Smith’s book, Great Chat: Seven Lessons for Better Conversations, Deeper Connections and Improved Wellbeing is out now.