It is one thing to discover and celebrate never-before-told stories from the actor’s life, romantic or otherwise. It’s another to delve into his private life as a means of painting him as “tragic”, “sad” or “lonely” when we don’t know this for certain. Not to mention dragging women (who are likely to be grieving at this time) into the narrative against their will. Instead, we should be celebrating what he gave to the world.
After all, Matthew Perry converted his Malibu mansion into a “sober living” refuge for men “transitioning out of drug and alcohol rehab and into the real world” – and called it Perry’s House. Certain news outlets have been totalling up the amount of money and time the actor spent on trying to stay sober – what this does is apply needless shame to his experience as an addict and overlook what that time gave him – the wisdom to help others struggling with addiction.
In an interview with The Hollywood Reporter, he described his experiences, and the knowledge he gleaned from years of addiction, as the best thing he can give to people. “I’ve had a lot of ups and downs in my life but the best thing about me, bar none, is that if an alcoholic or drug addict comes up to me and says, ‘Will you help me?’ I will always say ‘Yes, I know how to do that,’” he said. “‘I will do that for you, even if I can’t always do it for myself.
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“When I die, I know people will talk about Friends, Friends, Friends,” he added. “But when I die, as far as my so-called accomplishments go, it would be nice if Friends were listed far behind the things I did to try to help other people. I know it won’t happen, but it would be nice.”
Simpsons voice actor Hank Azaria – who also played Phoebe Buffay’s boyfriend David in Friends – has attested to Matthew’s commitment to helping others battle addiction. “I want to say that the night I went into AA Matthew brought me in,” he said in an emotional video posted to his Instagram page.
So during this time of mourning, sadness and reflection, we should not be feeding into a toxic narrative around a famous actor’s personal life. He should not be defined by a part of his life we will never truly know – nor should he or the women who cared for him be shamed about things not working out.
We should instead remember and celebrate the hours of entertainment he brought us, and the work he did behind the scenes to help others who suffered from the same illness he did.
Because while romantic love is an important thing in life, it cannot singularly define us – and it certainly does not define Matthew Perry’s legacy.