Economic abuse refers to the control, exploitation or sabotage of money, finances and economic resources such as food, transportation and many other things we use daily. 95% of women who experience domestic abuse report experiencing economic abuse, and one in six women have experienced financial abuse in a current or former relationship. I was part of this scary and heartbreaking statistic.
“I thought he was looking out for me and my finances, but I was wrong: it was a form of abuse and control.”
I remember going shopping at Boots and picking up my favourite self-care products: a face mask, body creams, and some makeup – the usual pamper products a girl loves! But my soon self-care routine got shut down by an ex-partner who looked at me and said, ‘You don’t need that crap, put it back; you’re always wasting your money – what’s wrong with you?’
Zara Farrar
Back then, I thought he was looking out for me and my finances, but I was wrong: it was a form of abuse and control – economic abuse. Another prominent memory is that shortly after my mum died, I received the money she left me. I was in an extremely vulnerable place, full of grief and heartache, I remember getting a call from him asking me to lend him £10,000 – he pleaded for me to give it to him, saying that he would pay me back within a month and If I loved him I would do did it. I’m not sure why I did it… Was it because I wanted him to love me? Was it fear?
Of course, he never paid it back, but the signs were all there. I was so emotionally trapped I just didn’t see them; and this is why I support HMRC’s staff being educated on spotting signs that people are being controlled economically by partners, for instance, being forced to take out loans, handing out wages without your permission, and even taking your benefits.
I know women who have had their spending monitored and told when and where to spend their money. I know women who are financially dependent on their abuser, feeling like they have no way of leaving the relationship.
I remember countless jobs I missed out on because my ex-partner intentionally started an argument to distract and derail me. Money was always a mechanism of control to him, power and domination – but not anymore because I am free.
I want anyone reading this who is going through domestic abuse to know there is a way out, and there is help and more support than ever. I really do praise the government for introducing more awareness around different types of abuse, change is coming, and I want women to break free from abuse.
For more information about emotional abuse and domestic abuse, you can call The Freephone National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge on 0808 2000 247.