Something’s in the air. And, no, I’m not talking about love. Before we get to Valentine’s Day, we need to deal with Red Tuesday, the unofficial yearly day of the dump.
This can’t be real, right? Well, according to a study conducted by Illicit Encounters, an extramarital dating website, more than a third of the 1,500 members on their website who were surveyed chose this week – the week before Valentine’s Day – to end their relationships. And of the people who did choose this week, nearly half of them did the deed on Tuesday.
While choosing to break up with your significant other right before Valentine’s Day may initially strike some as a particularly cruel move, it kind of makes sense. For instance, according to the survey, 41% of people cited money as one of the main reasons for the breakup – namely, that they didn’t want to spend any cash on Valentine’s Day when, presumably, they already had doubts about the relationship. Meanwhile, 29% explained that they weren’t comfortable faking their feelings on Valentine’s Day. Another 24% said it was the perfect time for a “clean slate.” Cold. But, perhaps, also sadly inevitable. After all, if you are already having mixed feelings about your partner, a holiday that’s all about romance and celebrating partnership is bound to push you to make a final decision.
Red Tuesday also just so happens to fall at the end of so-called “cuffing season,” when people reportedly couple up to see through the cold, lonely winter months.
According to relationship expert and founder of So Synced, Jessica Alderson, Red Tuesday is a real thing. “It’s because a lot of people delay uncomfortable decisions and conversations if they can,” she says. “But Valentine’s Day can create a psychological deadline. When a breakup is on the cards, it can feel easier to keep going unless something forces a decision. Red Tuesday is often the moment when that hesitation turns into action.”
As Alderson explains, Valentine’s Day is a time when “relationships are put under a spotlight.” In other words, all of those little problems and worries that managed to hide away in the corners of our minds are suddenly pulled into sharp focus. “We’re expected to celebrate, make plans and show affection,” she says. “That pressure can actually bring clarity. If it’s clear that the relationship really isn’t right, people would rather be honest than go through the motions and invest mentally, emotionally and financially in something that doesn’t have a future.”
Ok, but why Tuesday specifically?
Well, there’s a psychological reason for that, too. “It’s when people fully switch back into practical mode and reality kicks in,” she says. “The weekend distractions are gone, Valentine’s plans are being discussed and suddenly there’s no more room to delay. You have to decide whether you’re making plans, which often means booking restaurants or committing to something concrete. Or you have to explain why you’re not. That’s often the tipping point.”
While no one likes going through a breakup, is Red Tuesday really so bad in the long run? Though it might not feel like it in the moment, it can “be a good thing,” Alderson says. “External moments like Valentine’s Day can act as a catalyst for honesty and help people face what they already know. Sometimes we need a nudge from the outside world to get clarity. If Valentine’s Day prompts people to be honest about something they already knew deep down, that can actually save both people time, energy and further heartache in the long run.”
Ok, but even if it’s ultimately for the best, how do we get through being dumped (or doing the dumping) so close to the big V-day?