To help gain some sense of these feelings I sought advice from Dr. Marcia Reynolds, a life coach and behavioural scientist. Her insights shed light on the fact that pivotal moments in our lives, like the one I find myself in, are golden opportunities to explore our identities, desires, and potentials. There’s a lot wrapped up in the idea of ‘should,’ and it’s hard to let go of: “In our early lives and careers, we often follow ‘shoulds’ rather than our desires. What I find is that women usually recognise earlier that this isn’t what they want for themselves.”
She goes on to explain that, much like the ‘trying twenties,’ this phase is an age of exploration. “In my research,” she said, “as we transition from our twenties into our thirties, there’s a constant question: Who am I? What do I truly want for my future? It can be bewildering because we were taught what we should do and what we went to school for, but new passions emerge, leaving us questioning if this is truly what we want.” You only have to scroll through platforms like TikTok and Instagram to see people of all ages redefining their paths regularly.
While I’ve returned home in a pursuit to better my own mental health and give myself a break, it’s reassuring to know that I’m not alone in my journey. According to the 2021 census, the share of 25- to 29-year-olds living with their parents had risen from around one in five (20.1%) in 2011 to more than one in four (26.7%). While some may have moved back home due to the high cost of rent, research found that many of those who did so were also on their own unique paths; saving for houses, not yet married, or were simply in no rush to leave.
While it undoubtedly feels like a significant step backward, I know deep down that it’s the right decision for myself, and in the long-run for my partner and our future together. I didn’t expect to feel this way, and those subconscious expectations find a way of creeping into our lives. So, even though societal ideas of what we “should” do are constantly evolving, it can be tough to let go of the expectations that have been ingrained in us by others but also by ourselves, especially when we associate those expectations with age.
I don’t expect to be here forever; after all, my partner still lives in London, and I miss the spontaneity of going to gigs and meeting my friends at the pub. But for now, it’s an opportunity to spend time with my grandma and my mum, reconnect with friends I haven’t seen that often, take long walks on the beach, and finally have that sea swim.