I think the expectation was there, but my parents never had to push me in that direction. I always cared a lot about my academic success while my parents were pretty ambivalent. My mom barely graduated high school and didn’t pursue further education, and my dad went to local college for undergrad and has no graduate degrees. I went to a specialized magnet high school, took many APs and did many extracurriculars, and ended up going to a highly ranked school for my undergraduate degree. I think my parents are proud but also a little bit like, “What did you do all of that for?” I was able to pay for it with a combination of federal aid, federal loans, and a 529 plan from my parents. More on that below.
Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent(s) educate you about finances?
My dad is supposedly pretty good with his money, although he shared absolutely no information with my brother and me. I didn’t know about retirement savings, investing, how much to save/spend, nothing. I think he just said not to spend it all at once, lol. Meanwhile, mom recently told me that she doesn’t even know how much her paycheck is. I was like, awesome! We grew up “middle” middle class and my dad was very frugal. More like, stingy. We never had allowances, just birthday and holiday money from relatives that we would use when we wanted something. My parents often do things as cheaply as possible, especially when it comes to their house. I thought we were poorer than we were growing up because our house is not well-taken care of. I now realize that both of my parents are not good at cleaning, both have slight hoarding problems, and see no point in investing any real money into their living space. Shoutout to all of the kids who never really had friends come over because their house was “embarrassing” — I see you. The first time I remember having a frank conversation about money with my parents was when I was deciding on colleges. My dad and I had a talk where he showed me my 529 account balance and said that I needed to qualify for significant financial aid to go to any of the schools I was dreaming of. Luckily, I ended up qualifying for financial aid that covered my entire tuition and I only had to pay for housing/food costs, which was paid for with my 529 account and federal loans.
What was your first job and why did you get it?
I started teaching classes and getting paid under the table at the same place I did my main extracurricular when I was 14 for some spending money. The first W2 job I had was at a local swim club working in the snack shack, which my aunt and uncle helped me get. The only time I haven’t worked since then was my first year of college, since my original financial aid package had a work/study stipend and then they took it away right before I started school. I worked again starting the summer between freshman and sophomore year and haven’t been unemployed for more than a few weeks since that time.
Did you worry about money growing up?
I didn’t worry that we would not have food on the table or a roof over our heads, but I was told “no” a lot. My mom was a stay-at-home mom until I was in the middle of elementary school, then she began working different part-time jobs. She didn’t want to, but she has said that money was too tight for her to stay home. All of my mom’s money was for me and my brother to have fun things, like extracurriculars and nicer-than-basic clothes. I was involved in a very expensive extracurricular as a kid that my mom very much loved and was very involved in. My dad was always talking about how much it cost, and it made me worry that my extracurricular was hurting our family financially in ways I couldn’t see. Although my mom was happy to fund my extracurricular activities, if we ever went shopping and my mom bought me things but not herself, she would become agitated and say that she spends all of her money on me. This made me worry that we were really not doing well financially. I think my dad’s stinginess has always fueled my mother’s anxiety about money, even though things aren’t so tight anymore.
Do you worry about money now?
I do. Many of my friends grew up upper middle class or just plain old wealthy, and I know that they have a head start financially. I feel like I know a lot more about finances than my peers because I have to be really intentional with my spending if I want to thrive. I want to be able to buy property one day and I need to strategize how I would do that, especially if I want to stay in New York. At least once a week I look at StreetEasy and spiral about how much owning a home would cost. But I have my emergency fund and I am doing well with my retirement savings now, so it’s time to build that wealth that can hopefully become a down payment.
At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?
Fully, at age 25. I got off of my family’s phone plan when I turned 25 last summer and got off of my family’s insurance plan at age 24. I was taking care of everything else once I moved to New York at age 23. I could definitely move back home with my parents if I needed to, but I don’t think they would give me money (because they just gave me a lot of money lol, more details below).
Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain.
When I was in college, my parents paid for my groceries, apartment and utilities when I moved off campus. I never bought my own car, I always got my mom’s old car (once when I first started driving and then again when she upgraded; the first car was sold and I took her second hand-me-down car). My parents always paid for the insurance and maintenance, as well as gas when I was in college. When I moved to New York, my dad sold my car and gave me part of the profit, which I think was $3,000. My mom paid the broker’s fee for when I moved into my current apartment, which was $2,000. Recently, my grandmother passed and my mom and uncle sold her house. My parents decided to give me and my brother each $2,000 from my grandmother’s life insurance and $50,000 each from the sale of the house. I received $25,000 this year and will receive $25,000 next year. This was an incredible, amazing, generous gift that I’m very thankful for — shoutout mom and dad. There is also a wedding fund set aside for me, although I don’t know how much it will be.