How to bounce back From failure, according to experts

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How to bounce back From failure, according to experts


Then, revisit these wins whenever you’re fixating on your shortcomings and need a pick-me-up. A quick skim might refresh your memory of the time you made it to the second-round interview for a prestigious job, which was pretty damn impressive. Or the moment you finally learned to play that Taylor Swift song on the guitar without missing a note after months and months of practice.

“These can be small victories or bigger ones,” Dr. Hutchinson says. What really matters is remembering that you have faced challenges and come out on top before—and you can absolutely do it again.

3. Cut yourself some slack.

Especially if you’re a perfectionist or high achiever, your instinct might be to beat yourself up and slip into the blame game. Maybe you’re replaying the moment you got dumped over and over, or dwelling on how you could’ve and should’ve prepared better for an important presentation that ended up going poorly.

However, being your own worst critic won’t change what happened or “motivate” you to do better next time, both therapists agree. Instead, it’s more likely to have the opposite effect, leaving you even more discouraged, stuck, and insecure.

So a more productive (and kinder) way to regain your footing is to simply forgive yourself, which can help you let go of any shame and disappointment that’s keeping you stuck, Dr. Hutchinson explains. This process can look different for everyone: For some people, it may involve accepting that the “failure” happened because of circumstances beyond their control — not because there’s something wrong with them as a person. Others may need to release the impossibly high expectations they’ve set for themselves and embrace being “good enough” instead of absolutely perfect. (And if you’re looking for more advice on self-forgiveness, we’ll leave you with this helpful list of tips.)

4. Experiment with “micro failures,” which can help you see that messing up isn’t the end of the world.

Let’s be honest—nobody enjoys failing. That said, you can learn to at least tolerate it, and getting used to messing up in low-stakes situations can make it easier to deal with your most demoralising moments (and the tough emotions, like shame and anxiety, that come with them).

It may sound daunting, but this concept is based on a legit, science-backed approach called exposure therapy, which is supposed to “to push you out of your comfort zone just enough, so you can practice tolerating the discomfort of not doing something perfectly or successfully,” Dr. Wang says.

If you want to give this tactic a shot, consider trying a sport you’re not particularly good at – like tennis, perhaps. Or if you’ve never baked a day in your life, challenge yourself to make a few desserts from scratch. The idea: As you miss ball after ball or end up with underdone cookies and way-too-salty muffins, you’ll experience failure in small doses and realise it really isn’t that bad —it’s just part of the learning process, which brings us to our last pointer….

5. Remove the word failure from your vocabulary altogether.

Constantly viewing your experiences as “failures” will only hold you back and discourage you from trying new things — which is why both therapists recommend reframing these moments as neutral life lessons instead.



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