It’s Thursday morning. You’re running from a 6.30 am gym class to the tube, hoping there are no delays so you make it to the office on time. You check your calendar: a diary packed with meetings. Oh, and there’s that client dinner you forgot you scheduled three weeks ago.
You scroll ahead to Sunday, see a clear day and breathe a sigh of relief. Just make it there.
Only when Sunday arrives, something odd happens. You feel agitated, restless, guilty, even. There’s a creeping sense that you should be doing something. So you get up, go to the gym, tackle your life admin, and start thinking about that side hustle you’ve been meaning to launch.
Relatable? I’m guessing so. Because, as associate therapist Lyla Connolly explains, many of us struggle to justify rest. “We live in a hustle-driven world that ties productivity to worth,” she says. “Many of us have spent years achieving, pleasing, perfecting, striving, performing. Against this backdrop, slowness can feel strange, new or unfamiliar for your nervous system.”
It’s why, when fellow journalist Lauren Clark used the phrase “downtime guilt” in a story on sober burnout and the lost art of the weekend chill, my ears pricked up. Because, ironically, as many of us try to become healthier, better, more “optimised” versions of ourselves, are we creating new pressures along the way?
Below, therapists share their take on downtime: what it really is, why it matters, and how to approach it without the guilt. Consider this your permission to rest, without needing to earn it.
And for more wellbeing tips, head to our guides to nervous system regulation, the best somatic exercise routines, and how to conquer your feminine urge to do everything. Plus, take a leaf from the Scandinavians, with our guide to the best Scandi health hacks.
If You Struggle With Downtime Guilt, You Need To Read These Therapist-Approved Tips
What really is downtime?
We often conflate downtime with physical rest, but as Connolly explains, the two don’t always go hand in hand. “Many people ‘rest’, but their nervous systems remain on high alert,” she says, citing scrolling on our phones as a common example. While we might be doing this with our feet up on the sofa or in bed, the act itself, Connolly explains, “often keeps us in a heightened state due to the constant stimulation, consumption and comparison.”
Dr Sula Windgassan, health psychologist and author of It’s All in Your Body, agrees. “It’s a mistake to assume that rest means we need to suspend the exertion of any effort,” she says. “Watching TV while scrolling on your phone isn’t biologically restorative because your brain is constantly switching and being stimulated, which stops you from getting the soothing benefits that come from cohesively following a narrative and being entertained.”
In contrast, true downtime involves “shifting your nervous system out of fight-or-flight mode and back into your window of tolerance,” explains Connolly.
Your window of tolerance, for those unfamiliar with the term, is the zone in which you feel grounded, present and at ease. It’s in this state, Connolly says, that “you’re able to feel relaxed, flexible and connected to yourself.”
That could look like going for a walk, spending time in nature or meeting friends, says Dr Windgassan. “These are all things which require some exertion, but which provide net replenishment because of the other psychobiological benefits they offer, such as connection, grounding and alignment with something greater than ourselves.”
What are the benefits of downtime?
If you struggle with downtime guilt, taking time to pause can feel unproductive or like an undeserved indulgence. In reality, it plays an important role in how we function.
“When you give your nervous system space to breathe, you create the conditions for clarity, emotional processing and self-connection,” says Connolly. From within our window of tolerance, she explains, we’re able to think more clearly, make better decisions, access our intuition and tap into creativity, all of which support us over the long term.
Research supports this, as Dr Shania Bhopa, founder of the Do It All Girl, explains. “Mental breaks aren’t distractions. They actively restore attention and prevent the cognitive decline that happens during prolonged, uninterrupted work.”
Downtime is particularly important if we’re trying to improve a personal or professional skill, she adds. “Memory and skill consolidation happen during rest and sleep, not during continuous effort,” she says, citing a 2006 study published in the Annual Review of Psychology. “To do it all, and be fulfilled, we need to start seeing rest as a high ROI (return on investment) activity.”
What are the signs of downtime deprivation?
Busy periods are part of life, and short-term intensity isn’t inherently a problem. But when slowing down feels consistently out of reach, you may start to experience downtime deprivation, which Connolly says can show up both mentally and physically.
When you’re overdue some downtime, it can feel like “you’re going through the motions rather than feeling engaged or alive,” she explains. Common signs include:
- Difficulty concentrating
- Feeling irritable or on edge
- Chest, neck or shoulder tightness
- Fatigue
- Loss of motivation
- Feelings of overstimulation and overwhelm
How to overcome downtime guilt: therapist-approved tips
Downtime guilt can be surprisingly powerful, keeping us locked in cycles of constant doing. Fortunately, there are ways to soften the hold it has on us.
1. Notice the guilt without fusing with it
“Instead of getting pulled into guilt, try observing it non-judgmentally,” says Connolly, who suggests phrases like “I notice guilt is here right now” to help create acceptance and distance between you and the feeling.
2. Allow the guilt to exist
This is an important one. Many of us try to fight, ignore or blame ourselves for having uncomfortable emotions, but Connolly says it’s best to allow them to be there.
“Gently acknowledge the part of you that feels guilty,” she says, suggesting that we try speaking to ourselves with more kindness and understanding. Use phrases like: “It makes sense you feel this way. Slowing down feels uncomfortable when we’ve had to move so fast for so long,” she suggests.
3. Reframe the meaning
“Remind yourself that downtime guilt, in this context, doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doing something wrong,” says Connolly. “It may simply mean you’re stepping outside of hustle culture to restore yourself.” And whilst going against the societal grain might feel uncomfortable, it might just be the best thing you could do.
4. Write a self credit list
It’s very easy, when you’re rushing from place to place, to lose sight of just how much you’re trying to do, which can lead to the feeling that you’re never doing enough.
It’s why Dr Windgassan suggests a regular self-credit list to restore some perspective. “Each week, write a list of difficult things that have been taking up your headspace,” she says. “Just acknowledging this regularly can clarify to your brain that you are exerting more energy and effort than you think you are.”
5. Redefine downtime
If you’re not used to taking downtime, the idea of hours “doing nothing” can feel really daunting. But Connolly says we can start really small. “It could be reading a novel, walking in nature, taking a bath, doing a 5-minute guided meditation or breathwork practice, or even watching a comfort show (as long as you’re not doom scrolling at the same time),” she says.
The most important thing here, says Dr Windgassan, is that downtime doesn’t turn into passive deactivation. “Make sure you are intentional about what you spend your time doing,” she says, warning that second screening is a barrier to true rest.
6. Make it feel safer
We can take a leaf from the Danish principle of hygge here. Making your downtime feel cosier can really make a difference when it comes to your relaxation levels.
“Engage your senses,” says Connolly. “Light a candle, use a weighted blanket, wear your favourite sweater or make a cup of tea. These cues tell your body: It’s okay to rest now.”
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How often do I need downtime?
Like most habits, downtime works best when practised regularly. That’s because our nervous systems aren’t designed to stay on high alert indefinitely.
“We need some form of downtime every day,” says associate therapist Lyla Connolly, stressing that this doesn’t mean we need to feel calm all the time. “A healthy nervous system is flexible,” she says. “It can activate when needed and then return to balance.”
Dr Sula Windgassan, health psychologist and author of It’s All in Your Body, agrees. “Schedules vary as do demands, but downtime doesn’t always have to be long or one continuous period of time. You can sprinkle in little moments of pause, short little pleasures and then pick times of the week where it is feasible to have a longer period of time spent to nourish and enjoy yourself.”
“Start small and gradually expand,” confirms Connolly, who reminds us that “gently increasing our capacity for slowness can be far more sustainable than trying to overhaul everything at once.”