In the first episode of Real Housewives of London, self-described “marmite” character Panthea Parker is upset with her co-star, Juliet Mayhew. Their beef? When Panthea recently became embroiled in a public feud with her son’s dentist – as you do – she claims Juliet didn’t have her back. And now, Panthea is getting her revenge.
“Everybody knows you borrow your clothes!” she shouts at Juliet, as if she’s outing her for committing a serious crime. It’s the type of chaotic argument that has fuelled the Real Housewives franchise for two decades. (Oh, and this is all happening at an event to celebrate International Women’s Day.)
Real Housewives of London was announced in October last year to much fanfare. It’s the first Housewives show to be created by the streamer Hayu, rather than Bravo, the US network that made the franchise a cultural phenomenon. Since the announcement, we’ve seen the cast – a group of (mostly) socialites and businesswomen – posing in gowns in front of red telephone boxes. Then came a dramatic pre-season trailer, which included the iconic line: “Go back to Paddington!” And now that the show is finally here, can it live up to the hype?
There is much to be optimistic about in the opening episode. First, we meet Amanda Cronin – a blonde bombshell whose “tagline” is “I look like a model, and I think like a CEO.” We see her driving around Belgravia in her Bentley, accompanied by her white poodle, chuckling to herself: “There’s no cost of living crisis here.” After marrying (and divorcing) a Very Rich Man, Amanda founded her own beauty company. Apparently, the Daily Mail have taken a keen interest in her dating life – a fact she states with barely-concealed glee, as we’re shown a grand total of three articles about her. Fame is a burden.
The most devoted Bravo fans will remember Australian import Juliet Mayhew – one half of the International Women’s Day showdown – from Ladies of London, which ran from 2014 to 2017. She wastes no time telling us she loves “riding bareback.” (Horses, of course.) Elsewhere, Nessie Welschinger seems like a more reserved character. She lives in Chelsea with her husband and three children, and, after climbing the corporate ladder for decades, she left the banking world to found her own fancy cake decorating business. Nessie wouldn’t be surprised if any of her overachieving children became Prime Minister one day. (No pressure, kids!)
Anyone who was worried that there would be a lack of opulence in the show can breathe a deep sigh of relief. Jamaican-born Karen Loderick-Peace – whose tagline is “I may be from the Commonwealth, but there’s nothing common about me” – lists off a long list of properties she and her sports mogul husband own in some of the UK’s most exclusive postcodes. And Iranian-born socialite-turned-dentist-antagoniser Panthea Parker brags about once spending £140,000 in a single visit to Harrods. (She took the time to calculate that, factoring in inflation, it would be £300,000 today.)