In our three-person group chat with a slightly unhinged name (as all the best ones are), a friend shares a recap of her latest Hinge date. “He was funny and super charming,” she texts, “but he did say he has an avoidant attachment style. Sooo… that’s a big no from me.” Our other friend admits she has no idea what attachment style her boyfriend of seven years is. She’s never asked.
And that, right there, is the modern dating dilemma.
If you need a more public example, just rewind to Season 8 of Love is Blind, when Madison revealed to Mason that she had an avoidant attachment style. His response? Panic. As someone with an anxious attachment style — and a history with an avoidant ex — he said he felt “triggered” and needed space to process whether their relationship could actually work. Yes, he considered calling off a proposal based on attachment theory.
The internet didn’t explode because it was absurd; it exploded because it made a little too much sense. In 2025, attachment styles are the new astrology signs. Everyone’s reading Anxiously Attached, everyone wants a trauma-informed lover, and the hottest green flag on a dating profile? Emotional regulation.
It begs the question: Is emotional availability the new “good in bed”?
Let’s back up for a second. Attachment theory, originally developed by psychologists John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth in the late ‘60s, examined how infants react when separated from their caregivers. In other words, your whole romantic future might be getting judged on whether you cried when your mum left the room.
But don’t roll your eyes just yet. “Attachment theory is the most studied and quantifiable theory of psychology,” Dr. Wendy Walsh, Relationship Expert at DatingAdvice tells GLAMOUR. “Early life attachment style has been correlated with educational attainment, income, number of divorces, and even physical health. It’s illuminating, and sadly, quite predictive.”
Still, it’s hard to ignore that therapy-speak has taken over the way we talk about dating. Whether or not you’ve got a psychology degree like me, your group chats probably include words like “trauma,” “boundaries,” “triggered,” and “narcissist.” We’re analysing crushes like case studies and casually dropping “anxious-preoccupied” into small talk. The vibe check has become a diagnostic session. So are we evolving when it comes to love — or just pathologising it? Dr. Walsh sees both sides. “The best thing about the increased use of psychological terms when exploring interpersonal relationships is that daters are realising that emotional health is very important to relationship security,” she says.
“The problem lies in the fact that the average person doesn’t hold a Ph.D. in Psychology and becoming an armchair psychologist can lead to dangerous misdiagnoses and misunderstandings of human behaviour, diagnosing any atypical benign behaviour as a symptom of something deeper.”
Spoiler: Not every flaky texter is avoidant. Not every confident date is a narcissist. And no, your ex probably wasn’t a clinical sociopath, just a bit of a jerk.