Want to embrace spooky season in your dating life? Cobwebbing is the dating trend that keeps your romantic life ghost-free.
The leaves are yellow, the pumpkins are out, and Hocus Pocus is on repeat. That’s right, spooky season is upon us. But even though we’re all embracing all things scary, there’s no reason why our dating lives should be frightening.
Let’s face it — we all have a few ghosts in our pasts. You know — the past relationships that keep on haunting us long after they’re dead and buried? The flings that just won’t seem to rest in peace? Introducing cobwebbing, the dating trend that harnesses the energy of Halloween and promises to banish those ghosts for good.
Sound intriguing? Of course it does! After all, nobody wants to be haunted by their past romances — especially if there’s a new love interest on the horizon.
Here’s everything you need to know about this season’s not-so-spooky dating trend.
What is cobwebbing?
“It’s generally understood to mean the cleaning away of connections between you and past love partners, old flames, or even current attractions which are no longer good for you,” explains Heather Garbutt, a love and relationship coach. “These may be interfering with your current relationship or your search for a new love.”
Essentially, cobwebbing is the concept of metaphorically clearing away the cobwebs that are cluttering your brain, specifically when it comes to your romantic past. Sometimes, unresolved feelings or issues from your past relationships can become like cobwebs that hang around in the back of your mind.
Why is it important to clear away the relationship cobwebs every now and then?
Is it really that important to go back through your relationship past? Aren’t some ‘cobwebs’ inevitable?
According to Garbutt, these seemingly harmless cobwebs may be hindering your search for a fresh connection.
“If we have connections to past romantic partners, it can create a sort of crosscurrent in our present relationship,” she says. “If there is a hankering for, feelings of obligation to or unfinished business with the previous ones, you cannot give your full attention to the one you’re with. If you are looking for new love, the effect will be similar.”
What happens if you let ‘ghosts’ from past relationships continue to haunt you?
If you never clear away the cobwebs, things can get — well — a little toxic.
“It can create, distress, guilt, conflict or confusion within you,” Garbutt says. “It’s a massive distraction and will divide your energy, focus and commitment. You want to be free of all of the fetters of the past to really be where you are in the present.”
In fact, when left alone, your little cobwebs can grow into big problems. “This is especially important whether you are in a relationship or looking to create a new one,” she says. “These old connections can be like a ball and chain rather than a wispy cobweb holding you back.”
What steps can people take to ‘cobweb’?
Halloween is the perfect excuse to do a little check-in with yourself. Do you have any relationship cobwebs still lingering in the back of your mind? Are you still subconsciously comparing your new partners to an ex? Or maybe you have unresolved issues from a past relationship that result in trust issues with new partners?
Here is how you can do the cobwebbing process for yourself:
Let go
“It’s important to let go of anything that reminds you of those former relationships,” Garbutt says. “This means such things as old love letters, photographs, things which hold your heart. Items like rings and jewellery can hold particular power as they were usually given with heart-felt love and at emotionally charged times. Pass them on. Get them made into something new. Sell them. They bind you to the past and old vows or commitments you held dear which hold no truth in where you are now.”
Find closure by writing it down
“Write a letter to a former love, not to send to them, but in which you express any lasting resentments, disappointment, sadness or anger,” she suggests. “Really say how you feel and get it out of your system.”
This might also be a good opportunity to forgive a past partner. “It will really clear the way for you to be fully present in your relationship which is happening now or to open to the new one you’re sticking to create,” she says.